Why is it so hard to just be yourself?

It’s my life not anyone else so why can’t I live that way? I seem to have spent a lot of my life being who I think other people want me to be. It means over thinking things, it means not acting inline with my truth. I have been lying to myself and in turn everyone else simply because I wanted people to like me. That’s the truth. I’m not scared or afraid to admit it. I keep questioning why I’m not happy. What is it that holds me back and in truth the answer is that I don’t really feel like I know who I am. I had built a character that several years ago I realised I wasn’t and since them I have been stripping away layers to workout who I am. I just keep peeling. It’s an amazing process that I’m embracing and loving and loving and embracing.

Today I had this tested. I piloted for a radio show. I went in a did the pilot all the time feeling I had shifted back into ‘character’ rather than being authentically me. A few weeks before the pilot I knew what I had pitched was quite right but I thought I would go a lot with it anyway because I had pitched that and that’s what they wanted (so I allowed myself to believe). After the pilot I got feedback from the producer and station manager. Overwhelmingly it was ‘be you, just be yourself not who you think you should be or what you think a radio presenter should be just be you’. I’ve done radio before. I have heard similar things before but today I really heard it. It was aptly timed. I started writing this article this morning and left the house feeling just disconnected from me. Now I feel connected and able to understand that the world needs me to be me. Not everyone will like it but that’s ok. In fact that doesn’t matter. I was put here to me and the most important thing I can ever do is honour that.

It doesn’t matter how ‘woke’ someone is or how spiritual they are or how self aware sometimes the mind pulls us back in and we can feel lost again. I will never be too proud to talk about those times. This world is airbrushed and edited enough without me doing it to. Keeping it real, honest and authentic is all any of us really need to do. 1st you must discover who you are. It takes work but it is worth it.

Love and light,

Claira x

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