I have never fitted the mould. I have never been part of the ‘in’ crowd or the ‘it’ crowd. I have always struggled to fulfil my sense of belonging and purpose. There are things I know and sense to be true but that I am not yet living. There are ways of being and of using the gifts we have been given to build the life we want. There are ways to change everything without the need for money or anyone elses help. I know all this and yet until this point all of this has been theory. Until now I have blocked myself from greatness, from the things I really want time and time again. I have looked them in the face and allowed my mind to convince me that I am not good enough to have them. That I do not deserve them and that if I do have them I will only mess them up any. I have felt sorry for myself and been envious of others for various reasons. I have wanted to disappear and to no longer exist. I have taken life as I was taught to, real and my only shot at existence. It is not easy to forget all you have been taught. It is not easy to undo years of conditioning but I am going to try. I have been trying. I have been getting clearer and clearer. I have been opening wider and wider. My perspective has changed. My levels of acceptance are greater. If we allow ourselves too we are constantly evolving and growing. Our perspectives and our reality constantly changing. Thats why it’s important not to become to fixated on what you think you know to be true now because with a little bit of reading, meditation or a chance happening it could all change.
I have tried a lot of things in my life and given up on them after various amounts of time. I have never been very self disciplined, however I am going to be. Why? Because I know what is possible I now just need to prove it because if I can do it then so can just about anybody else. If I can get from where I was to where I am heading now then we are all capable. I watched others, I have wanted it for myself but never enough to commit to what it takes. I have started meditation practises, reading practises, exercise practises, yoga practises and as soon as something comes along that knocks me emotionally I give up. In doing so I give up on my dream, my heart and I give up on myself. Change comes from the mind. When a mind has been conditioned over the course of years it is not possible to just undo it all over night. Very few people have an instant awakening. For the rest of us it is about committing ourselves to finding the truth. To finding a more pleasurable and happy way of existence.
I want to push myself to uncover more and more truth. I want to share this with you. I don’t want anyone to feel hopeless or like their life is not as valuable as anyone else as society would have us believe. You are here because you are meant to be. Because you have a role to play. You are special and unique. On top of that you are born with and always have with you all you ever need to create the state of mind and life that you wish to have. That much I know.
My growth has been slow and steady but it has been there. When I look back at my life I realise how much I have grown and how much I have changed over the years. I realise how much happier I am, how much more I love and enjoy my life. I see things I have wished for realised. The more this happens the more I have faith. Faith is what powers our dreams. Faith is what makes us smile when most people would cry. Faith is what gives us hope when everyone else is gone. Faith is a practise. Faith is something you have to work to have and to create more. Instead of allowing your mind to always take you to the negative of every situation refuse and know that all will be ok.
I was living in London. I had just moved to a new flat share with a £750 rent for a room. I had a job working at a hotel on reception. It fitted around my presenting work and was reliable so I knew whatever happen with presenting I could afford my rent. At the end of the month the hotel called all the staff in for a meeting. They told us then and there that they were liquidating. That we would not be paid the wages for the last month that we had worked. At first I wanted to panic. How would I pay my rent? What was I going to do for the next month? Why was this happening to me? After a few minutes I slowly said in my mind ‘STOP everything will be ok. No more worrying’. Every time my mind would try run every possible negative outcome I would instruct it to ’Stop’ and I would remind my mind that I didn’t have to worry or panic because it was all going to be ok. Logically I had no idea that it would be ok but I knew it would be ok. I refused to believe anything else. 5 days later I got an email from a producer at BT Sport whom I had met 7 months before and not spoken to since asking me to come in for a meeting which resulted in my landing a TV presenting gig and which paid much better that the hotel gig ever could have. This is just one example of the importance of having and keeping faith. No excuses. Find your faith and make it work for you.
Love and light,