Who or what is stopping you from being happy? Is it the job you need to get? Your family? Perhaps your partner or lack of partner? Is it that you don’t have enough money? Or that you aren’t beautiful enough? You need to be thinner or thicker or more muscular? Maybe you are ill or someone close to you is. So many things. So many reasons. So many EXCUSES. Before your mind starts screaming ‘how dare she’ please read this.
Shortly after my sister died I found myself in a hotel bar after a night in a London club with a big US singers manager, who also happened to be a life coach. We had met before and he knew about my life. This night was different than the usual parties because this night he sat opposite me and took my life apart. He pulled every string, he tore and ripped at my story, the walls and ceilings of excuses I had built so well. He didn’t stop taking them away from me in a relentless tug of war. I cried, I stomped my feet and I wanted to scream at him to stop. The pain. My mind was saying ‘he is so wrong’ ‘he doesn’t understand’ ‘how can he say these things?’ but my heart, my heart was still. My heart recognised the truth in his ‘attack’. My heart was relieved that someone could see how attached to my story I had become and how distant from it I now was. Unable to hear it’s inspired uttering over the noise of the mind and it’s stories. That night changed my life forever. That encounter was the catalyst for me to question everything. Maybe reading this could be yours.
What do I mean by my story? We all have a story. My name is Claira, I am a woman, I like animals, I am a vegan, my mum died when I was 9 and my sister died 5 years ago, I had my breasts removed and reconstructed to avoid breast cancer as I carry the BRCA 1 gene like my mum and sister. All these things create a story. Our story of who we are and why we are the way we are. The problem with our stories is we attach to them a plethora of emotions, often painful ones that we become so attached to we end up believing they are part of us, that they are us and we allow this story to shape our lives. We defend our story, we fight for our story and we allow our story to carve the route of our lives. By doing this we give away our power, our truth and become a slave to the story.
The story is bullshit. I played a victim for so many years. Why shouldn’t I have? My mum died when I was a child and I spent 6.5 years watching my sister die. Don’t I have a right to feel sorry for myself? To be sad? For this to be the reason I am so emotional and needy? Actually no I don’t. Because if I am going to waste this life time living out that story over and over again I will never be happy. I will be choosing unhappiness for myself over and over again and blaming circumstance for it. I will be staying in my ‘poor me’ story, a narrative that will only ever lead to more pain and more upset. The truth is I have a choice. We all have a choice every second of everyday. We can chose happiness, positivity and optimism over anything negative. I’m not suggesting we shouldn’t be sad, grieve or allow natural emotions to pass through us, let them go and move on. This is healing. We should become masters at this. However in reality what we do is capture these painful, fearful emotions and hold them so we can replay them over and over again whenever we choose. Poor me my mum died and I miss her and it’s not fair and I want her back. What do I gain from this? Nothing but feeling like shit. That’s the truth. My mum was an amazing mother I had her for 9 whole years. I have a note from her that she wrote on her death bed. Does it say ‘be sad forever and allow my death to control and ruin your life?’. No it doesn’t. Sad things happen, horrible things happen and all you can ever do is control and choose you reaction and emotion in and after the situation. You can take responsibility for yourself and question whether your or not you need own the part you are playing in your constant story of doom and sadness. No knight in shining armour is coming. YOUR ARE YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR.
A happy life is yours for the taking. You have been programmed by a society that relies on you to be sad, emotional and lost in your story so that it can sell you things to make your life ‘better’ and to make you ‘happy’. To believe you need anything other that yourself to be complete and happy is the madness of this world. Wake up and know you are and always have been all you will ever need. It takes work and courage to undo the programming and to look at ourselves honestly. However it is the most noble and rewarding thing you can ever do.
I wish love, light and so much blessings. You can literally do anything. Don’t be confined.