Next time you want to give up… don’t. If you want it they say you have to fight for it. What they don’t tell you is that sometimes that fight is with yourself. Now before you start imagining getting boxing gloves and giving yourself a left hook or fly kicking yourself in the chest, stop, because this is not the kind of fight I mean.
I also don’t mean the kind of fight where you try to shame yourself into doing things by telling yourself that you are too fat, to lazy, to unsuccessful or any other negative self talk. Telling ourselves horrible stuff may work at getting us to do the desired action a couple of times but we’ll quickly become deflated if we’re shaming and bullying ourselves into doing things. Just as we did as children when our teachers, peers or parents tried to use this tack tick.
So how do we stop ourselves from giving up or even get± started for that matter? How can we make changes last? How can we trust ourselves to stick to the path we have set for ourselves?
I have found this really, really, really hard. Despite trying for years to trust myself to get things done I have failed often. I have set myself goals and failed to fulfil them time after time. It was a huge pattern for me. The lack of consistency. So what changed? Honestly I read a lot of books, I have taken time to work on myself, I have started to have more compassion and empathy for myself. I have had to work on catching my negative self talk and quickly replacing it with something kinder and more uplifting. More than ever I realise that nothing is going to happen unless I make it happen. Unless I show up in the face of things that I don’t want to show up in.
The fight maybe with ourselves but we have to stop battling ourselves. Letting go and being able to trust my process has also help. For example I released a new interview which has received way less views than I had hoped for. I have people working with me on the project and I know it’s less than they hoped for. In the past this would make me feel like I had failed. It would make me feel so shit that I wouldn’t want to write this blog or film any of the other stuff I need to film to be consistent. I would drop out. I would listen to the voice in head tell me it was all pointless anyway. I would checkout and give up. Emotionally I was giving up on myself and devaluing my work and the things I love to do. I knew this had to stop. This time I don’t feel like that. I loved the process of filming the interview. I have been missing from the scene for a while so it’s going to take time to rebuild. I’m up for the challenge. You see I have given up on myself more times than I care to remember or even can remember but not this time. The fight as I said isn’t a grueling battle the fight is to not give up on you, your ideas and your dreams.
I have been a ‘thinking the worst’ type person for a longtime. I don’t blame myself. My mum died when I was a kid and no one did much of anything. I was left to figure out grieving although I didn’t know that word existed. I expected the worst because that’s what my life experience at that point had taught me to do and there was no one there to correct that assumption which society and the world seemed to reinforce. When the worst happen for the second time and my sister, who was my best friend died I knew things had to change. That was 7 years ago. See this isn’t a race, this isn’t instant fix, this is a choice, a new beginning and a commitment to making your world and thus the world a better place.
I got so sick of my life not being what I wanted that It has driven me to a place where I have stopped just talking about change and finally started doing it. Creating the life I want is my responsibility not anyone else’s. I have spent a lot of my life waiting for a savior. The wait is over, I realise now I am my own savior and I have power and responsibility to make sure I see things grow in away I have only ever dreamt about.
Go get yours, the sooner you start the sooner it all changes.
Love and peace,