Let me get fucking real……

Let me get real. This week I have been struggling. Struggling with everything. Things are always changing. I chose a career steeped with uncertainty and change. I gave up the security of a regular wage to follow my dreams. I gave up knowing where my next pay check would come from so I could be truly happy. I gave up working to live a life which I couldn’t enjoy because working in this way made me so miserable. No one ever said my choice, my decision would be easy. No one said you give it all up and boom you’re happy and things just fall into place. They didn’t say it because that’s not how it works. It does however mean that I am on the right path. It means I don’t have regrets and it means I no longer have the excuse of my job making me unhappy. It means I learn new things everyday. It means I am constantly challenging and testing myself for my own benefit.

nathan redmond laughing

I have had a shit week, we all have shit weeks. This is a week where I’ve been told no lots and had a whole bunch of shitty news about jobs and work. On top of that I have family drama I’m trying to process. All I wanted to do was drop everything. Take the little savings I have a run. It takes a lot for me not to run. It takes a lot to stay and face what I need to. It takes even more strength to be honest. To sit in front of my friends and cry. To tell them how I’m really feeling. It takes even more strength still to sit and listen to what they have to say because most the time it’s not what I want to hear. It is however what I need to hear. Thank you friends.
I get myself so worked up. So upset. So frustrated. I just want someone to say yes. 6 years of trying and pushing. Now i just need someone to say yes. It’s funny because I will never give up. Therefore why do I allow myself to become so annoyed? So frustrated? I also know that things will workout. Somehow they always do. In their own time they workout. Me being annoyed, frustrated and angry is therefore just a waste of my energy. Energy that could be better invested elsewhere.
I have learnt that bumps in the road are inevitable. We all have them. I’m sure even BeyoncĂ© has them and that makes me feel a lot better. When these bumps come you need a contingency plan. You need away to get over them and get on with the your life, your dream, your goal. There is no point denying them and saying your fine. I did this for years and it works against you not with you. At times pride does you no favours. It makes you a bit of a dick. It makes you act in a way that doesn’t serve you at all. Having the courage to show weakness is sometimes your greatest strength. I have learnt this the hard way. Now when I feel shit I know I need to talk it out, I need to be honest and I need to get it out my system so I can move forward in a productive way.

weirdo

Ohhhhhh and fighting what life gives you is a useless battle. I have tried that a lot. Life only gives you what you can cope with and what you need. As soon as you stop fighting and starting moving with life things get a whole lot easier.

Love, strength and rock n roll to you all,

Claira
Xxx

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1 Comment

  1. A gentleman you once knew
    June 26, 2015 / 1:12 am

    I gave up the ‘dream’ after coming to terms with the fact the ‘dream’ wasn’t actually the dream. There’s a lot to be said for the nine-to-five, otherwise why would so many people do it? Work and being the superstar isn’t what it’s about. It’s about finding that special person who thinks you’re the superstar. Nothing else will matter when you find them.

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