I’m following my heart and my intuition and seeing where it takes me.

What a week. I left the UK with 21kg on my back and 15kg on my front. What have i learnt from this? I don’t need 1/2 the crap i have in my bag because i can’t carry it lol

Seriously by the time i reached St Vincent on New Years Eve or Old years night as they say at 10pm i had bruised shoulders and arms from getting the pack on my back int he 1st place.

Why St Vincent and the Grenadines as a starting point? One of my best friends Sophie (who i’m staying with) brought me here 8 years ago and not only did i fall in love with the place but the place seemed to have some magical healing effect on me. Being back here it’s not hard to see why.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U30lCjmeILs

I had been bulimic for years. At one point the bingeing was os bad i was spending up to £300 a week on food. I tried on numerous occasions to seek help. It just felt like i wasn’t in control of this. It felt like bulimia owned me and controlled me. I was bulimia’s slave. Bulimia came first. I was lucky enough to be invited by my friend to spend 2 weeks here 8 years ago. I came and the bulimia and it’s urges just kind of stopped and luckily even when i returned to the UK they never really came back.

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The air is floral. The sunshines and the sound of waves soothes the soul. My favourite place on earth. As i sit here and write this blog the view is amazing. The ocean is just below me and i can i hear every wave break. I can look and see beauty everywhere. It feels so perfect and i feel totally blessed to be here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-dkcVtEJrs

However this is me we’re talking about and as you know i can be a little crazy and weird all in my own very special way that i have come to both appreciate and love. I have decided that for this 8 months of travel i will try to publish 3 videos a week on my youtube channel with as many as possible being suggestions from readers and viewers. I also give you the chance to vote for what you want to see me do, who you want to see me visit and where you want me to go.

I wasn’t sure how much work it would be. Turns out quite a lot. I’m a massive technophobe so for me to do this with my basic filming and editing skills is quite time consuming. Plus frustrating. I’m surprised my laptop has latest this long. LOL. However i am really enjoy what i’m doing. I’m really enjoying creating and sharing videos and honestly more than anything i’m really enjoying the interaction with you.

I found a way and place where i could be honestly me. It changed my whole life. Being able to share my story of my preventive double mastectomy allowed me to be all of me. Before that i was just ‘jokey, fun and bolshy Claira’. The problem with that is that i am also a truly sensitive should who cares about people and wants to help others not suffer in the same way i have. I’m not claiming to be an expert or some kind of miracle worker but what i can do, i hope, is help people feel less alone. I honestly don’t regret any of my life. The things i chose and the things i didn’t all happened to lead me to this place i’m at now and boy does it feel good. Peaceful.

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If you knew my internal dialogue even 18 months ago you would thought peace was a life time away. I was depressed, lonely, unhappy, lost and i just couldn’t workout how to change things. 18 months before that i was constantly wishing i wasn’t here, i was lost in real pain and sadness. I felt like was a failure, useless and for the most part worthless. Peace? What even was that? I will say this though i never gave up on the fact that i knew i could be different and so could my life. I read another book, i watched more youtube videos, i practised different meditation techniques and followed books advice. I just kept tapping away. I got more honest with people and i found that when i told other people the truth then they in return told me the truth.

Honestly if you asked me why i’m doing this i don’t have a proper answer. The urge came to me and it never left. It became the only option for me. Why? I have no idea but i am going to love and embrace all of this trip. The good, the brilliant, the bad and the ugly are all lessons for me to learn from and for me to grow, to discover more peace and more happiness.

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I gave up caring about financial security because caring or worrying about it hasn’t got me anywhere, i gave up caring about being single and looking for a man to love me because that hasn’t changed my situation, i gave up caring about a career and worrying about my lack of success. I gave up caring about a whole lot and suddenly i feel free. Don’t misunderstand me. However do listen to this. Can worrying change the situation for the better? Can it help the situation for the better? Does it make you feel good? Does it mean you get a good nights sleep and look after yourself? Worrying is a pointless exercise. In fact worrying makes you less equipped to deal with the situation you find yourself in. Before you tell me you have no choice whether or not you worry then let me tell you IT IS A CHOICE. YOUR CHOICE. The 1st time i heard that i got so angry. I could feel the resistance to the idea well up inside me. It made me so angry. ‘what bullshit’ i thought. Now i know it to be 100% true.

I’m following my heart and my intuition and seeing where it takes me. I’m going to share it with you in the hope that you might too start to follow yours no matter how big or small yours is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svgY4F10KWI

Don’t for get to suggest things for me to do here in St Vincent and the Grenadines or Trinidad, Rio and then anywhere else in South, Central, North America and Alaska.

Love and light from SVG

Claira
xxxxx

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