Manifesting the man of my dreams
I am literally a real life Bridget Jones. I have better pants and I am as of yet to get my ‘happy movie style ending’ but there are more similarities than differences.
I’m 35 and I recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I ended our relationship because he wasn’t ready for the life I am ready for. He wasn’t ready to work on himself, to play as a team and to work together to create a reality that encompassed all our dreams. It lead to resentment and conflict. It lead to me knowing that despite my love for this person that if he’s not ready to change then it is not my place to try to make him. It is however my place to overcome my fear of being a lonely old fuck up and know when to call things quits. It hurts but I know that time is precious and if we are not right for each other then we have no right to be wasting each other’s time.
If losing my mum and sister has taught me anything it’s that life can be really shitty. It has allowed me to experience pain, loss, grief and trauma. After those experiences I would like the rest of my life to be as happy as possible. With that in mind I refuse to stay in a relationship that doesn’t serve me, fulfil me and grow me. I really thought that by now I would be married with children. This concept has caused me a lot of hurt and anguish. It has made me doubt myself worth and my womanhood. The thought of being single at 35 is not something I have relished.
Every experience can teach us something and my last relationship is no exception. I know exactly what I want from a partner. I know how powerful and beautiful the right partnership can be and for this reason I won’t settle for any less. I also know that patince and timing are everything but sometimes I just wish my man would turn up already!
The idea of manifesting something, everything that we want in life is something that intrigues me. It really excites me, inspires me and gives me control back. It’s also scary because it requires me to take responsibility for 100% of my own life. It means that I have to invest in myself, get super aware of my thoughts and beliefs and then find a way to change them so they align with what I truly desire to achieve.
In theory I can manifest the man of my dreams. To do this I must know who he is. Not the exact man (Michael B Jordan would be great) but more so his personality, his traits and his demeanor. I have written this out in list form. This helps me visualise how being with him would feel but it also helps me avoid anyone not meant for me. I have a history of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole (excuse the innuendo), of knowing that a person isn’t going to be suitable but trying to force things to workout anyway because, if I’m honest, getting someone to ‘want’ me when they don’t want to themselves would make me feel worthy. This in itself is a very problematic belief because it doesn’t allow me to let go of those that are not meant for me. Now I know this about myself I can see and feel it when it arises. I can work on it and on myself instead of outsourcing it by continuing to participate in the same patterns of trying to make someone who doesn’t want me, want me. This only ends one way which no longer serves me and the life I want to live.
Trust and knowing. Once you have a clear idea of who the person is that you want to attract into your life, how it feels they arrive then you have to start practising knowing that they will arrive. Trust that when the timing is right they will appear. Every time to see, feel or witness your old thought patterns returning you have to jump on your mind and think thoughts that align with what you want to attract. It’s not about being judgmental of yourself or punishing yourself because this is counter productive. It’s about being kind and helping yourself to relearn how to think and feel so you can create/attract the life you want.
I currently have a sealed envelope under my mattress that contains are card I have written to Mr Right. It’s a beautiful card in which I am thanking Mr Right for all the amazingness he has brought into my life. As I wrote it I evoke they feeling I would have as if I was writing this card for real. I was writing this card for real, only the recipient isn’t here just yet. The energy and intention of those words and that card are close to me for a large part of the day and there is something comforting about that.
If we do what we have always done we will get what we have always got. That’s a great quote right there. It makes perfect sense. I can’t be sat here wishing for Mr Right to turn up but be acting, feeling, thinking and believing what I always have because doing that so far has only got me Mr Wrong. Changing isn’t easy. I know this. I have tried and failed. I have tried again. It can be painful to undo, untangle and let go of stuff. However if we don’t do our work, if we don’t change our internal worlds then we can’t expect our external worlds to reflect something new.
If you want to manifest your life then you have to start now. Right now. I will keep you updated on my manifestation and when Mr Right arrives I’ll let you know.
Love and love.