Self Love. Self Respect. Self Confidence. Self Belief
My operation is now done and dusted. I get occasional weird and unexplainable swellings but it is only 9 weeks on so thats to be expected. I am so grateful for the fact it’s done and that i am fit, healthy and functioning as i was before.
I want to be really honest because i feel it’s important. The operation was fine and the recovery was fine but finding myself with it all over and done with was a very strange place to be. I had spent so long gearing myself up for it, focusing on it, talking about, making plans around it and of course documenting it that i had given no thought to what happens after it. I found myself lost. In limbo. Questioning who i am and what am i here to do? I was sad because i felt i should know the answers but no matter how much i searched i couldn’t find them. I still haven’t found them. I feel like i’m letting myself down. I have come to realise that i am incredibly hard on myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself and make myself feel bad for not knowing. I realise that this is no way beneficially to me so i know things have to change.
I haven’t exercised properly for over 3 months and for the last 3 months my diet has been terrible. I have eaten what i want when i want and sometimes i have eaten because it made me feel better or just because i like food. During my recovery time i fully felt i deserved it and didn’t stress or worry about it but it’s kind of just carried on. If i’m honest it’s because this time is unsettling and food appears, on the surface to help with that. It’s a momentary fix that i’m well aware is not a solution. Things have to change and they will because I made a pact with myself that the other side of the operation i would make changes to my life, both dietary and exercise regime changes that get me in to the healthiest and fittest shape of my life.
I want to celebrate the fact i am alive and have taken a step to, i hope avoid the fate my mother and sister had to endure. I want to celebrate by treating my body like a temple. Like the brilliant machine it is that allows be to do the things i do everyday. Instead i have been doing the opposite. However i am not a quitter and i did indeed make this pact. What i have realised above everything else is that focusing on making physical changes to the outside of me, to my physical body just isn’t enough because the reason i am eating the way i am and finding it hard to motivate myself to exercise is purely based on how i think and feel emotionally. Thus ‘Fit State Of Mind’ is born.
‘Fit State Of Mind’ is what i am calling my journey back to self love, self confidence, self belief and self respect. For me this is based around changing my diet and exercise routine because i know from my own experience that for me a strong body equals a strong mind. For me it becomes very reflective. When i start to break my fitness boundaries in turn i start to break my career and personal boundaries, as my confidence grows in my body so my confidence grows in my real world situations. As i reach my fitness goals my belief in reaching my life goals becomes very strong and focused.
I strongly acknowledge that i need to work on my mental fitness, the fitness of my state of mind. I will do this with meditation or quiet time, which ever you wish to call it. With strong affirmations that i will, regardless of feeling like a bit of a wally, say to myself everyday over and over because i know this works. I will keep a gratitude journal and keep track of at least 5 things i am grateful for everyday. I will write a very definite plan for the remainder of this year so that i have precise goals to focus on and to drive towards. Of course i will continue to read books that inspire me. Finally i will be living this out through youtube videos, blogs and social media posts so that i have people with me on the journey and that very thought spurs me on.
For something to become real in the physical world it must first be imagined. This is true of the car, the plane, electricity quite literally the list is endless. People used to think the Wright Brothers, who invented the plane where crazy for suggesting humans could fly. Now we take boarding a plane and flying around the world as a given. This is true of our own lives, of ourselves. We have to image and be able to see ourselves looking, feeling and being exactly who we want to be (regardless of neigh sayers) before we can outwardly become those things.
I hope people will join me and start to make changes to their own lives, that people will want to improve themselves and get on bored with ‘Fit State Of Mind’. I want to share what i’m doing and trying. I want to let people know what works for me. I want to prove that we can do anything we set our minds to and the best way for me to do this is to make it happen in my life and do it transparently so i can prove it’s true. Teamwork is the way to make lasting changes. Together so much more can be achieved.
‘Fit State Of Mind’ can be about whatever you want it to be about. Your goals might be nothing to do with physical fitness. They maybe career, relationships, confidence or just personal happiness goals. I have come to realise that i want to be happy and to love who i am and who i am not more than anything else. I also want each and every person to be able to find that same peace and contentment with themselves. I hope that by sharing my path to peace other people will too find their way to their peace.
I know that i have to set myself a big physical goal to aim towards. If i don’t have a certain goal to aim for then it becomes easy to for me make excuses and to not get to where I want to be. It’s very important that i make it clear this isn’t about being skinny or having a dream body it’s about being physically strong and healthy. Thus i have set my sights on ‘Tough Mudder’ a 13 mile obstacle course that embraces the values i wish to embody. Teamwork and mental grit are what ‘Tough Mudder’ say are the 2 most important things to making it through their events. On the 27th of September i will undertake this challenge. At present 3 miles of running alone is tough for me so this is a big challenge but one i have always wanted to do and one i will, without fail do.
My amazing friends Jodie Marsh, who is INBF (International Natural Bodybuilding Federation) champion of America and became so after everyone telling her it could not be done has been and will continue to be a huge support to me on this journey. Not only with the training side of things but she will also support and encourage me when i feel like i’ve had enough. I will be using her JST Jodie range of supplements which are bloody brilliant. Having Jodie onboard gives me more motivation because she has so much faith in me, she has herself achieved so much and i don’t want to let her down.
Here goes nothing. Posting this signals a fresh start, a new beginning and the start of changes that will last a life time. I feel nervous but i know i must focus on this happening and not on all the many ways i could fail. From now on there are no half measures or days off. ‘Fit State Of Mind’ requires training my mind daily to always look for the good, to always find the things i’m grateful for and to appreciate every minute and every second that i get to spend here.
Watch the 1st Episode of ‘Fit State Of Mind’ here.