Being single = being shameful

I’m single. Yeah I am single. I talk about it on my socials, I mention it on my radio show and I make videos about it for my youtube channel. I’m fine with talking about being single because it’s part of my current reality. Although I get the impression that some people seem to view this grown ass women talking about being single as somewhat uncouth. Well fuck em!

I feel that there is stereotypes attached to still being single in your 30’s and 40’s. Films like Bridget Jones’s Diary and so many more seem to suggested that when we haven’t found a steady relationship by this age that we must be some kind of desperate. It’s not cool to admit you use dating apps, it’s not cool to admit you date online and it’s not cool to say that you want a committed relationship. That’s what I have experienced anyway. Maybe I’m just super sensitive.

I am happy for the most part. Like everyone else I have tough times, hard times, lonely times and I have happy times, joy filled times, exciting times. Basically I have all the times of the human experience. Being single does not define me. It’s also not something I’m desperate to bring to an end. It’s a place I am perfectly happy being in until I meet the right person. I am now in a place where I know who and what I am looking for. I know he exists and I know that I will find him or he will find me when the time is right. In the meantime I am focusing on being as alike to the man I know I’ll meet because like attracts like.

Everytime I mention being single somewhere, everytime I feel moved to talk about my experience whether it’s good or bad I get a selection of folks hit me ups in the DM’s. My talking about being single isn’t an invitation for everyone and anyone to slide into the DM’s with a vague and half hearted message about taking me for a drink or telling me I’m sexy. It’s not an invitation for these unsolicited messages that reference nothing of what I’ve said because I doubt you even read my heartfelt post, you just saw single and thought ‘I’m going to shoot my shot’. Now I am all for ‘shooting your shot’ but this unsolicited DM sliding really gets to me. If you want to shoot a shot with me it would take so much more because let’s be honest I am not afraid of my truth. Read the things I write. I don’t hide myself, my good, my bad and my ugly I show them all because I want to be seen for the whole being I am not for just one part or one piece. If you took the time to read what I write you would know I am a spiritual being who dives deep and keeps on going into the darkest depths of myself. If you don’t know anything about me other than looking at the pictures of me in a bikini then you don’t want me. I’ll confuse you, weird you out or bore you. We are not on the same page and that’s fine but instead of looking for a mate based solely on their pictures aka appearance why not check out their substance first? If you don’t ‘get’ their substance then guess what? Keep it move in. Why? Because you have looked at a picture and created a fantasy of what and who that person is but in reality they are someone really fucking different. I feel if we took the time to do this a little more we would have more luck in our search or at least waste less time.

Talking about being single and wanting to meet someone does not mean ‘I am a desperate mess desperately seeking a man’. What it really means is I am a grown woman focused on my life goals. My life at present fulfils me however I would love to meet someone and build a life together with that person but I am in no rush because I want to find the right person to do this with. Until that time comes I will talk about my life as it is now. That means talking about the fact I’m single not because I’m desperate but just because I’m honest.

Being single can be lonely sometimes but in my experience so can being in the wrong relationship. Being lonely is not a reason enough for me to be with someone. That’s why I got a cat lol. Seriously if you feel lonely I truly believe that it’s a sign you need to love yourself more. That’s where I’m at right now. I’m driving that energy of loneliness away from mindless eating, TV watching and dating apps and diverting it back to myself. Reading and learning more about self love, self development and really focusing on what I want to achieve. In doing so I already feel better.

Single or not we NEED to learn to love ourselves deeply. Even the shitty bits of us we try to hide or deny. We need to love them because denying them causes us stress, pain and upset. It makes us feel uncomfortable. Very often in the face of our own love those parts of us are healed. That’s why I fully intend to love the frustrated and blocked parts of me because not loving them and trying to force them into non existence hasn’t work at all so it’s time to try a new way.

Maybe it’s not cool or sexy to talk about being single but you might have guessed by now that I don’t give a shit. This is my life and I want to talk about it, all of it so I will.

Much love,

Claira xxx

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