I confess. I am a self help and spiritual book junkie

I am a self confessed self help and spiritual book junkie. I have read so many books. I have read them, connected with certain elements written, and felt the relief when reading what is written in those amazing books. I have felt the illation and realisation that came from spending 10 days in silence, meditating for 6 hours a day. I have felt the joy and clarity yoga and meditation bring, and yet after days of being back in the reality of life I have not forgotten but given up it all. I have stopped doing the things I know can and do make my life better. I have even stopped exercise which has always been the thing that has made me feel good, that has given me power, that has helped me stay afloat when things have been really bad.

That’s not the point of this post though. The point of this post is that I am a presenter and I want to make documentaries and factual entertainment shows. I can finally say it with conviction. Despite being paid to be a presenter in the past I always felt embarrassed to say it out loud because in some ways I felt like an imposter that any minute would be found out and sent packing. I am a YouTube creator. I have a channel and I want to grow it. I want to make videos that inspire and videos that make people laugh. I want to make any video I feel like regardless the views it may get. I am a writer. I write here but I am also writing a book. A book I started 3 years ago and still haven’t got past the introduction. I am a spiritual life coach. I want to help other people feel better, live better lives and to change the lives of those who need it. Consider all that I have said above. Now consider that I am not doing any of these things consistently or in any kind of format with any belief that these things can and will create a sustainable future. Understand that I know the steps needed to help make these things real and viable especially after reading the extensive list of books I have, and yet at present I am not taking the actions I KNOW are needed to make them my reality. To change my world, I know I have all the tools because the tool I truly need is me. I am here. I know what it takes and how I could get started and yet………. nope I’m still not doing them.

I read a book recently called ‘Where’s my F*^king unicorn’ by a lady called Michelle Gordon who is a published author. It’s a quick and simple read. Like me, Michelle has read loads of books and yet still found herself not applying them. Jumping from one book to another hoping it would hold the secret to a better, happier and more successful life. Rather than applying the discoveries from the books, like me she would quickly forget them and jump to the next one. It has been a bit of a wake-up call. I do this. I read a book and as I read parts of that book that give me a rush of energy, like I have finally solved it, like I know from this moment forward my life will be better but then within a day or 2 I’m back to where I was before ordering another book and hoping it has the answers. I realise now I have been trapped in this cycle for years.

Don’t get me wrong, in those years things have improved and changed for me loads. I am a completely different person in a very different place. I have changed, my life has changed but it seems I am still holding back when it comes to creating the life I really want. I am not scared of hard work but I just lose all motivation, determination and I feel like what I’m doing is pointless. I stop seeing the end goal as possible and recoil to a space where watching TV and cuddling with my boyfriend brings me instant relief but gets me no closer to my long term goals. I waste time on social media when I could be meditating, exercising or practising yoga. Why? I thought I would find the answer in one of the books. I thought it would be there and magically I would be different. I have been waiting for that to happen for a long time. What I failed to realise is actually it’s down to me and that as the book ‘Where’s my f*&cking unicorn’ states “I JUST NEED TO FUCKING DO IT”.

If I keep making excuses, if I keep thinking there is a solution other than myself to this. If I keep hoping someone will come and do it for me I am going to be waiting a life time. Literally. Years have passed and I believe stronger than ever, that everything happens for us, not to us. That there are important lessons for us to learn for every experience, positive or negative, there is gem there, a path to better our lives should we chose to see it.

I started this year saying it was a year to change my life. I want that whole heartedly. I mean that I want to try any ways and means to create the life I want. I know now that I already have the answers. Now it’s about the hard part. Implementing them, forming new habits and continuing regardless of whether motivation is present or not.

I hope this helps you and gives you a new lease of motivation and inspiration. I just want to remind you that you really do have all the answers. You really do have all the power and you really are the master of this.

Love and light,

Claira x

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