‘You can chose your friends but you can’t chose you family’.
For a longtime I felt very bitter and unjust at the death of my mum and then my sister. ‘Why me?’. Of all the kids in my school why was I the one who’s mummy had to die. Why was I the one who felt so alone? It just didn’t seem fair that I was expected to deal with all this pain. When my sister died I felt so confused. ‘Surely not again’. Why was this happening to me? To us? I played a victim. I used their deaths and the events surrounding them as reasons for not doing, going, having and being what I wanted. This was a powerless and bleak way to live. Believing that things were happening to me and I had no choice within those things. I know now that that isn’t the case.
We always have a choice no matter what is happening to us. That choice is how we choose to think and thus feel. If we allow someone to anger us, upset us, annoy us then we are allowing them to take our peace. We are losing our power. Cultivating this kind of power and peace is something that I continue to work on and I believe I will work on for the rest of this lifetime. I love that. I love that I am capable of constant growth. Growth that makes a difference to how much joy I experience every single day. Once I stopped making things and other people responsible for my joy then the game changed.
There are still situations where I lose my power. Where I allow old thought patterns and emotions to overwhelm me. What I have found is that when I go to this place and act from this place it doesn’t make me feel good. This is something I have been working through. This doesn’t mean always being lovely and charming to people who can not and do not offer the same respect. It simply means working on yourself enough that those people can no longer trigger you. So that no matter what they do you remain in your place of peace.
Most importantly I wanted to share the sentiment that we are here to learn. That with every experience negative or positive comes an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and to find a deeper sense of peace so that no matter what is going on around us we can not be moved. I have chosen to see the deaths of my mum and sister as paths to deeper learning and understanding. I have chosen to see how their passing shines a light on just how precious life is and just how lucky I am to be here. I believe that they would want me to be happy and have the best life. I know that they would have loved to have continued their time here but that was not the plan for them. What it means to me is that I am blessed and this blessing called life should not be squandered.
Peace and love,