I want to succeed. I want to succeed so I know that it can be done and so I can share what it took with everyone and anyone that will listen. I know that success is something that comes from within me. I know it is about changing what’s inside to create change outside. To make this possible it involves honesty. Real honesty with others and with myself. It’s about being fearless or courageous enough to face my fears head on. To do things I have been avoiding for a long time because I know they will be painful.These thing, when held onto can become blocks and hold us back. I have come to realise that caring about and loving myself isn’t just about kindness, good food and exercise. It’s also about getting really honest with what’s holding me back and why I have never addressed what’s holding me back. Then it about finding the courage to address it. It’s about going into the things that are the most painful which hold the most power of me. I have been putting them off for years and they have been holding me back for years.
When I think about these things they seem almost impossible but then so do all things at first. I have come to realise from my own experience that you don’t need to no the exact hows, where and whys you just need to know and truly feel it is possible whatever ‘it’ is of you.
Patience is key. It’s something that I have not really been that good at but life gave me a lot of lessons that in return have given me patience. It’s not just about reaching the goal because when you do there will more than likely be a new goal to reach. It is about enjoying the journey and realising that this is where some of the very best gold lies. This is where some of the riches can be found. I spent most my life being so focused on the goal I forgot to be patient and I forgot to enjoy where I was at the time. My life become only about the goal and every minute I wasn’t moving closer to it I felt panic, failure and anxiety. Overtime I saw someone else’s dreams coming true I felt intense pain and discomfort. ‘Why not me?’ I had thought that I was done with playing a victim and in most areas of my life that was true but I came to see that when it came to reaching my goal, my dream I was always a victim.
I have given up now. Not on my dream but on the struggle. I was only struggling and fighting against myself. There was not an opponent. It was just me this whole time. I have been going in circles, blocking myself from achieving my dreams and just generally not being very nice to myself along the way.
What I have come to realise is that to make anything happen I need me. Therefore why am I horrible to myself? I need myself to be fighting fit in every sense so that it can withstand the knock backs, the struggles and so that myself has the love, confidence and care need to make sure I reach my goals.