I write because I enjoy it. I write because something within me tells me I should. I write because when I make discoveries or realise something amazing I want as many people as possible to know about it.
I am not an expert and nor do I claim to be. I’m not sure anyone really is. Of worldly stuff, sure but of humans, of our spirit, our soul I feel we are all students. I’m ok with that. I’m happy about that. I have spent the 4.5 years reading so many books about spirituality, self help, self development and how to change my circumstances. I have loved these books, I have read and consumed them. Some I have read twice or 3 times. I know every book offers something new. Something exciting. New possibilities. New ways to look at myself and thus the world. Even when I have felt at my lowest I know if I can just read a few pages of a book it’s enough to shift my perspective and to change my view. With every book comes a little more understanding. A little more acceptance. A little more faith, trust and belief that I’m ok and that this world is ok. Better that on good. I am good and this world is good.
I am proof. That’s what I am. That you can go from deep despair to actually happiness. I used to know I should be grateful for waking up but now I can feel it. Now I feel it when I open my eyes. I used to wake up filled with worry, anxious for no apparent reason. Now I wake up excited and full of joy. Sometimes the anxiety is there, the worry has come back but now I recognise it straight away and like a search light on a dark night I seek the place the anxiety and worry hide. I find it and let it know that everything is good. That we have no reason to feel like this. I ask it why? And very often I get an answer which can easily eradicate the problem. If not I work on it. I know that I don’t need to walk around feeling anxiety, fear or worry so therefore there must be a solution. I make it my business to find that solution. I do what’s best for me. I honour myself and my feelings.
This didn’t happen by chance or because I’m ‘lucky’. It happened because I refused to give up. Because every time I fell down I dragged myself back up. Every time I hurt I questioned it. Every time I wallowed in self pity I knew there was another way and I knew I had to find it. Now I have started to. What I find so exciting is knowing I will always be a student of myself. I will always be learning. What I say now I may know to be untrue in a year, a month, a week or hey even a day. As I open my heart to happiness I learn and experience more and of what we are capable of.
I wrote this to say if you are hurting, in pain or feeling like nothing will ever change I am here to tell you in can and it will. Stop waiting for a miracle to happen, stop blaming other people or situations for your current state, take responsibility for you and your life, start putting in work to create your own miracle, start to look out for and love yourself and realise, please realise that everything you need for that happiness is right there within you. You may need help to seek it out but it’s there. Once you seek it water it, nature it and let it grow, let it consume all the shit stuff and give you freedom.
Love Claira xxx