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I woke up ‘feeling’ like this

This morning I woke up at 6.30am filled with energy. I decided to put some shoes on, grab a blanket and climb on to the roof terrace of my hostel to watch the sunrise in Buenos Aires. There isn’t much of a sunrise but despite traffic noise there is a peaceful quality about being up here and the views are beautiful. Wrapped in my blanket with a huge smile on my face I feel like I could quite happily stay here all day.

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In a few days I’m off to Patagonia to get out into the wild some what. To camp and get cold. Normally the thought would fill me with dread but I actually can not wait. I’m excited to see nature. To be there without my phone and internet. To rely on myself and any friends I can pick up along the way. I realised the last few days how heavily involved I am with my phone. It’s an addiction. I’m even writing this on it now. It’s also a source of a lot of pleasure when my friends and family call or text, when I get nice stuff on social media, when I read/watch things that make me happy and when I’m using one of my many handy apps. However it is also the source of a lot of negativity. It’s often the reason I end up comparing myself to others and feeling I don’t match up. It’s where I see how well other people are doing and feel shit by comparison. It’s where I see how many views my YouTube video got and feel like I have failed and it’s where I sometimes get really horrible responses. Although I’m sure it’s not exactly the same for everyone, I know most of us if we are honest have a love/hate relationship with our phones.

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Under the intense microscope that is traveling alone I can see clearly how my thoughts and this feelings are effected by what I see on my phone. Which I CHOOSE to look at. STOP. I choose to look at stuff that makes me feel shit. That’s crazy! What I can also see is how stupid and yet normal it is that I can let something I see control how I’m feeling and be in charge this experience of my life. I’m always writing about how WE are in control of our own thoughts and feelings yet here I am allowing what I see on a phone to affect me.

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2 choices for me. Either I never look at my phone again but then I would need to extent that to laptop, desk top, TV and just about anything else that could give me any kind of news or anyone to compare myself too or I do what I’m always talking about the importance of doing and change how I view things, what thoughts I chose about them which will ultimately determine how I feel about what I see and about myself.

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Why? I’m tired of making myself less than everyone else. I’m not a victim or a martyr so I don’t need to keep putting myself down and in my own mind making myself the bottom of the pile. Not only that I don’t need to have such negative feelings towards other people that I envy for their beauty and/or success because that makes me toxic. What it’s imperative to understand is whatever the negative feeling it only serves to make YOU feel shit. If it’s a negative thought from you, about you it’s pretty obvious why and how it makes you feel shit but tbh aren’t you tired of that? How does it in anyway serve your life? It’s a little like worrying…… Pointless. It makes you less effective and more unhappy. If it’s negative thoughts about other people or situations the only person those thoughts make feel shot is YOU. Again making you demotivated, unhappy and less likely to be able to enjoy your life. Both are pointless and unnecessary.

Now I know from years of trying you can just stop thinking or magically stop the thoughts and beliefs you have had for years but you can start to wake up and smell the coffee. You can get really honest and realise that these things no longer serve or benefit you. Most importantly and this is the KEY you have to realise that you are not your thoughts. You are merely the observe of them. Crazy right? Look folks if we go to the cinema and they forget to turn the light on the projector the film is still playing but we can see it because there is no light. Think of you in the same way. The thoughts comes and go but with no light (you) to shine on them how could they been seen? You are the light. Try just letting your thoughts happen and observing them. To attach to them just see them appear, don’t follow them just let them come. Next time you’re in a place of feeling down or comparing yourself see if you can become the ‘watcher of your thoughts’. Separate yourself from them even if for just a few moments. Realise they are not you and yet you are letting them determine your mood. An amazing book called ‘The power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle goes in to lots of detail about this.

I truly think that grasping the fact you are not you thoughts and I identifying with them is the way to peace.

I need to get off the roof top and go get ready for Spanish lessons.

Love and light,

Claira xxx

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