I made a big decision. Not just big this is pretty mammoth. I have decided to sell my belongings, pack up all my stuff, move out of my flat, leave my family, friends and work behind to go traveling for 8 months ON MY OWN. I am literally quitting my life.
Now before you start thinking i must have loads of savings, some kind of financial security and a big sponsor to be able to do this, let me tell you. I don’t. I have a £10k of savings and donations from my parents (who are by no means rich). I believe they (i am so grateful) decided to give it to me because i think even they can see how much i want to do this.
Life for me has been a little bit insane. Losing my mum at 9 has meant i have never really felt at home anywhere. I have always felt a bit lost. I have always felt alone and lonely. I have always felt like a part of me was missing. Add to that the fact i have never really felt like i fitted in anywhere, i’m a bit weird, i’ve never been ‘cool’ and i have always felt quite separate. At times i have been a very unhappy person. Losing my mum meant learning about life, womanhood, boys/men, love, friends and everything else through trial and error with very little guidance. It meant never really knowing and always just guessing in the hope i would stumble on the right answer. I was very sad inside but i always managed, even as a child to keep the outside contained and smiling. Very rarely did my mask slip. Inside i felt wretched, doomed, scared, alone, miserable and like a big pit of deep aching pain but outside i was cool, collected and strong.
It wasn’t until my sister Emily died almost 4 years ago that things started to change. Looking back now i realise i tried my usual tack tick. Be strong and fearless on the outside but don’t let anyone see whats inside. This time though i couldn’t keep it up. It was just too much. I moved home, back with my parents for the first time in years. I spent a lot of time with my amazing friends and i drew a conclusion. I had no idea how but i decided that if my mum and sister couldn’t be here but i could then i sure as hell owed it to them to be happy. To enjoy life and to be grateful for all i have. The journey has been long. It’s been wonderful. It’s had extreme highs and extreme lows. I have had to learn so much about myself, accept responsibility for things i had spent years blaming others for and unlearn so much that i thought i knew as gospel.
Now i’m here. I honestly thought like most my friends by now i’d be on the road to marriage and kids. I thought i’d have a booming career, a mortgage and be madly in love. Life, as i have discovered, had other plans. I have spent the last 6 years pursuing a career as an entertainment presenter. I have had some amazing successes. I have thoroughly enjoyed most of it. However after i had a preventative double mastectomy in January something started burning inside me. A need, a want and a desire that has thrown everything else into the shade. It was like i just couldn’t stop thinking about traveling. Packing my bags and leaving everything i know. In the past it was never something i really wanted to do. Suddenly it became all i could think about. I started talking about it and trying to create formats around traveling. I started to think how can i do this as work? I went from going to not going to going to not going to going. Every time a format was rejected i thought ‘right thats it back to the real world lets get on with it’. However my mind wouldn’t let me just leave it.
Thats when ‘My life your hands’ was born. I started off wanting to get sponsors and brands on board so i had the financial security to travel. When that didn’t happen fast enough i decided i couldn’t wait because ultimately this is not a business venture this is my life and i want to do this. I feel i have put my life on hold enough. I have spent the last few years feeling like i’m forever waiting for the right job, for the right man, for the right excitement and for the life i have always wanted. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want to get out there experience the world, learn and grow.
Am i scared? Bricking it. The closet i have come to anything like this was a week on a fasting detox in Thailand on my own about 7 years ago. This is 8 months of traveling with just a backpack. My life on my back like a turtle. ON MY OWN. I have no idea whats going to happen. I’m not sure where i’m going to go or who i’m going to meet but i know this; sometimes you have to be big enough and brave enough to follow your heart. You have to shun everything common sense is telling you is the sensible thing, take a deep breath, a huge leap of faith and risk it all.
My mum and sister died. Give yourself a second to get your head around that. Death happens to all of us and so, thankfully does life. I want my life to be lived to the fullest for me, for them and because something bigger than me and them is telling me there is no other option.
I have never been so excited in my life. I have never felt so on purpose, even though technically giving up everything to travel might not be considered a purpose i’m pretty sure this trip is going to lead to some great things.
To work this trip needs you. ‘My life your hands’ is as much bout you as it is me. I need your help with where, who and how to visit places. I need to know the amazing things you learnt and know from your experiences. I need to know of amazing causes and charities i can visit along the way. I need things that will challenge me both mentally and physically. I want to know the things i can’t miss and the thing i probably should. I need your love, support and conversation so i’m never alone. I need you to pick and chose what i do next. Incase I haven’t made it clear YOU are vital to this experience.
I will be visiting South, Central, North America, Canada and Alaska. I would love you to get in touch with any info you think may help me on this trip.
You can keep updated with my travels here on this site and across all my social media.
Love and light,